deep thoughts on a wednesday night

Have you ever wished for a quality in yourself that you do not posses? Or something you wish you possessed more or less of? For example, I wish I did not worry, fret, or pessimistically assume the worst. There are times in life when I have to actively try to control my brain not to do this, just about a myriad of things, ranging from my patients, to how my clothes are fitting, to something I said that didn't come out right, to what will happen when our world runs out of water (because it will). Yes, I am one of those people who assumes my husband has been in a terrible accident if he is running late and I can't get ahold of him.

Anyways, that is not the point of this post. The point of this post is related more to another quality I wish I possessed: that of being articulate. As I have gotten older, this is something I truly long for: to be well spoken, perhaps in writing, but especially in words. I envy people who can convey their thoughts well, especially on the first try. I feel like I have good thoughts, thoughts with meaning and purpose behind them, but most of the time I just can't get them out right.

I guess the real point of this post is related to one of these thoughts.

Bear with me.

One of the things Matt and I have learned a lot about since joining our church is that God sent Christ not only as a means to forgive us for our sins but also as a means by which we can experience life abundantly. The fullness of life. This concept is simple, but not. That we can work, play, eat, sleep, study, be married, have children, etc. on our own, and things are fine. Good, even.  But with Christ, all of these things become more. They become...rich. Full. Abundant. Not that everything is rosie, but that even in sorrow and pain, He is slowly pulling back the veil, in order that we might see more clearly. See in focus.

But it is difficult to always see this way.

Today, I was driving in the car with Saylor. Nothing special, just driving. She was just clapping and "singing" along to the song on the CD. I glanced at her in the rear view mirror and had one of these moments, where He pulls back the veil and lets me see. There are so many moments since she came along that I have this deep, abiding, wonderful sense of happiness. Don't get me wrong, you know I am the first to say that things are not perfect. But still, it's just this feeling that comes along deep in my soul. Maybe its like when you first fall in love, or on your wedding day, but not so giddy or naive.

And I realized today, in this moment: ah, here it is, life abundantly.

Shortly after Matt and I found out we were expecting, my dad said something in a prayer at dinner. (My dad, by the way, is an exceptionally well-spoken person). He prayed that he hoped Matt and I would know the joy through our baby that he and my mom have known through Ellen and me. It was so simple, but I will never forget him saying that.

And I do know that joy. All parents do I guess. I am so thankful for moments when God reminds us of this  fullness of our lives. And for His presence and power which make them full.

So there it is, except that once again, my words aren't adequate to explain it.

Thanks for reading my thoughts, to those of you who stuck with it. :)

The thief comes only to kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10