Psalm 116

Praying through these verses tonight...

"I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you." Psalm 116

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning." Psalm 130

Christmas 2008

Some shots from Christmas at our house this year...



Dad with his new tennis shorts.



Lovin' Matt's early morning hair. :)



Trying to capture a picture of all four animals. They were not too happy about posing.




Morty loves Christmas too!

Small group

Just wanted to post a picture of my small group girls - I have loved getting to know these ladies over the past couple years. Last night we had the chance to see Evan and Lauren back visiting Texas from Colorado. We miss you guys!

Random thoughts of the day (on pregnancy. Sorry, it's what's on my mind!).

1. I used to think that girls in the late stages of pregnancy were wimps. How bad can it really be? Well, I'm starting to understand. Thankfully, I am still sleeping pretty well and most of the time the pain in my lower back is manageable. But seriously, the enormous belly is just getting in the way. It's difficult to do things that are normally easy, like put on my shoes, shave my legs, bend down to pick something up off the floor, or squeeze through the space in my office between the wall and the back of the patients' wheelchair. I really might get stuck one of these days...and we all know that the TBI patient won't be able to problem solve their way out of that one. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror or window and just bust out laughing at how ridiculous I look. See for yourself:



Really? How is this even physically possible? Thank goodness only 5 more weeks!

2. Sometimes I think Saylor is trying to bust out of me like a baby chick busts out of an egg. It really does feel like she's testing for a good spot to crack through with her little punches and jabs. Maybe she will be a world champion kick-boxer? Either way, the feeling is mutual baby girl- I want you out too!

3. I'm starting to have these intense emotions that make me feel slightly nuts. Like, sometimes I am giddy with how excited I am to meet her and how much I'm going to love her. And then a few minutes later I start to feel this rising panic about how I have no idea what to do with her and what if I can't handle how big of a life transition this is going to be. Thank you, Lord, for giving me a calm, peaceful, stable husband who listens to me swing back and forth like a pendulum! And thank you for promising You are constant and faithful and will help me do this!

4. I'm so bummed about the BCS rankings. Not only because I am a Longhorn fan, but also because we have the cutest longhorn attire for Saylor to wear as a newborn, and it would have been perfect for a big game on Jan. 8th. Now she'll just have to wear it for a lame basketball game or something. And yes, I am assuming that she will be here by January 8th. Please just let me assume that.

5. When people are no longer pregnant, do they miss feeling the baby move inside them? I feel like it's so normal now that it will be weird for my stomach to not constantly wiggle and move around. I guess I will probably be too busy thinking about the real live baby in front of me to notice?!

6. Best quote from Thanksgiving holiday (made by Uncle Bob, Matt's uncle): "Erica, are you having twins? Well, that's ok. It's not your fault anyways, it's Matthew's. All you were trying to do was get some sleep!" Yes he did say that.

A scary experience

Matt and I spent last weekend in Houston and my mom, sister, aunt, and Grandma hosted the most FUN baby shower ever - it was so nice and full of wonderful, personal touches for which I was so thankful. My family and friends have given so abundantly and generously to this baby!

On Sunday afternoon we packed up the car and there was just enough room for Harry to have a spot in the back (you can see he is cramped, but doesn't seem to mind it). Morty is in there too, but hiding.





Anyways, after we got home I took Harry on a walk and then came home and started doing some work in the baby's room. Everything was normal. Harry was hanging out with me when all of a sudden he started seizing...I mean, a full on, no mistaking it seizure. I was panicking - it is so scary to see your furry friend shaking and drooling and losing control like that. Matt carried him to the car and we were on our way to the emergency vet, but luckily he stopped and we decided to turn around. He was SO tired for the rest of the night - his poor brain was tuckered out. :( We took him to the regular vet today and they did blood work. But, most likely these are anxiety induced seizures and there is not much we can do to prevent them. He has done this once before (on a much smaller scale) and it was also after he was out of his routine - right when I went to pick him up from staying with a friend when we were in Boston. Poor Harry. I just wonder what happened to him in his first four years of life to make him so anxious and full of separation anxiety????

3D/4D Sonogram

Last week Matt and I got a sneak peak at our baby girl. It is AMAZING to me that they have this kind of technology. We got to see her yawn, frown, smile, pucker her lips, suck on her wrist, and open her eyes. We think she is pretty stinkin' cute. Check out the chubbiness of those cheeks!

Matt's prayer for Saylor

A while back, before we had decided for sure on a name for the baby, Matt shared a simple prayer with me he had written for her. If you know Matt, you know how he looks for deeper meaning and purpose in things, so of course it was no different when it came to choosing a name. In addition to loving the sound of Saylor and it's uniqueness with our common last name, we felt an immediate tie in when this prayer came to him, and it has been on our hearts ever since.

"My hope for our little girl is that she would live with the freedom God gives to engage in the beauty and abundance of life while being directed by the winds of the Holy Spirit."

I love my husband's gift at writing. I thought that his words were so beautifully encompassed all that we have talked and dreamed about for her. Something so simple, yet something so hard to fully attain. Only by His grace!

While my family was here last weekend, they helped us with many projects (thanks dad for stuffing insulation in the attic for hours!) including hanging these letters in her room. The task was not without serious hanging frustration, but I think they turned out great. :)

Recent happenings

If I am honest, the last few weeks I have hated this blog. Blogging in general. It has been a pain in my side...just another thing that I "need to get to" but haven't had time. HOW is life so hectic right now??? I feel like I get up at 6 and don't stop until 8 or 9 every day, and some days it is exhausting!

Please forgive me for complaining...I will stop now. Most of it is really fun stuff to be done for the baby. And though work is busy and draining, it is a privilege to work with the patients on my caseload right now and their families. I have two that absolutely cannot speak they are so aphasic (one can't get a word out and the other get TOO many words out - but every single one of them is jibberish). I also have one seventeen year old who is making AMAZING progress! He went from not being able to keep his saliva in his mouth to eating double portion plates in a week. And last week, he found his voice and we are now working on shaping words...I am so proud of him. Praise God for helping his brain start to heal so suddenly after so many slow weeks!

Matt and I have also felt so blessed the past couple weeks with the love and support friends, family, and co-workers have shown us with some baby showers. We are struck by the amazing community God has provided us and this baby!

Here are some pics...




My Mom and aunt Janet


Thank you to my sweet friends who hosted! (Lorraine, Keegan, Amy, Kelly, and Lauren -and sweet Molly who couldn't make it in from ATL).

Next weekend we are driving to Houston and I am so looking forward to seeing my Aunt Donna and Grandma who are flying down from Michigan. It's going to be a great three day weekend!

pictures...

My friend Lindsay took some pregnancy pictures for us today...here are some of my favorites. Thank you, Lindsay!!!

 
 
 
 

Matt's conversation with my stomach...

Tonight after dinner I was laying on the couch trying to see/feel the baby move. Not too much was happening at the moment, so Matt came over and started "talking to her" to see if she would respond to his voice. I think he was actually just trying to be funny. Here's a snippet of the conversation that ensued:

Matt: "Hey Baby, how are you tonight? Did you like your mom's dinner selection? You know, we really can't wait for you to get here. To meet you and to see what you look like. The baby updates we get say that right now you are 14 inches long. That's important for you to understand - one day you will probably be about 5 feet 8 inches long...but right now you are one foot two inches. Well, you have two feet, but...it's kind of hard to explain to a baby like you. I'll try again once you get here. Actually, it gets even more complicated because there's also a whole metric system and that can get really confusing. But I'll help you learn your measurements, don't worry. When you do get here you'll get to meet your brothers, Harry and Morty. They are bigger than you...especially Harry. I bet you'll like him, but you'll have to be careful around him because he is big and excitable and clumsy. If you're wondering what he looks like - he is brown and furry and has a long snout. He kind of looks like Alf. But you don't know who Alf is - that was way before your time. I'll make a note to myself to have something prepared for when you get here to help you learn about both Alf and the metric system. I also have another surprise for you when you get here...I've been saving you some Wall Street Journals. Your mom tried to throw them out when I wasn't looking, but I caught her and salvaged them. So if you are interested in the business happenings from early 2008, I've got all that news for you."

Throughout this monologue I am laughing at what a NERD hubby is, though I do love him very much. I think my laughing just eggs him further along...

Boston

Matt and I recently took a 5 day trip to Boston. We were able to stay with our friends Nick and Caroline for a few days and then spend a couple days on our own in the city. I decided that I could live in Boston. (Ok, maybe not in the winter). But I love how it has the fun city feel yet it is not as huge, crowded or overwhelming like New York. How fun it would be to walk to work or ride the subway or take your baby to one of the many beautiful parks at any time of day without getting stuck in traffic or dying of heat exhaustion. (I realize that all of these things would be miserable in January, but you catch my drift).

It was also refreshing to get out of Texas for a little while - or at least Dallas. Just a good reminder for me that not everyone in this country drives nice cars or wears fancy clothes or strives for huge houses. What a slippery slope...this mentality catches up with you before you even realize it!

It was so much fun to hang out with the Smiths...we had good conversation, lots to see and do, amazing food, and fun, easy fellowship. We are thankful for them...

Here are some of our pictures:



We got to see Caroline's first concert in Boston - she did great and I am loving her new stuff!



In Rockport after a delicious Saturday brunch. Very cute little seaside town. Right before this picture Matt fell on his bum on a sharp rock...sorry babe!



At the beach near their house in South Hamilton.



Cute and BRAVE little man (he was only in his 60's guys - you know I'm right) who got in the freezing water and swam. Put all of us right to shame. We were fascinated by him. I wish I had a picture of his goggles.



Matt and I about to indulge in Mike's Pastries - yum!



Our tour guide on the Freedom Trail (he was a wee little man, but a good tour guide).




Fenway Park. Need I say more? I think Matt thought he was in Heaven.



Also got to see and catch up with our friends Drew and Saona who are at Harvard. They are so cute - can't believe they've been married a year! We miss you guys!

Happy Birthday, Mom!

 

Wanted to post a shout out to my awesome mom on her b-day. Probably not her typical one as she is still in H-town with no power - but she and dad are handling it like champs.

My mom is really one of the most wonderful people I know. I have learned so much from her and as I get closer to being a mom myself, I am more and more grateful to have had her as my model. She is strong, wise, fun, and generous. She puts her family before herself over and over. She is not afraid to stand up for what she believes in or to speak up for what she knows is right. She knows how to make the most of a tough situation and not to take things too seriously. She has more energy than most people I know (at least in the hours pre-falling asleep on the couch at 8 - which I definitely inherited). She is a skilled OT who goes above and beyond to help the children she works with who have developmental delays and disorders. She is hands down the best bargain shopper I know! She has taught us the importance of a healthy lifestyle and has encouraged us to be open-minded to new experiences, opportunities, and people. She has just been through an incredibly difficult year but through it I have admired her strength, patience, and hope. We are so thankful that is is over and that she is back to work, back to her regular self!

Mom, I love you! Have a wonderful day - I wish I could be there to celebrate with you!

When the weather changes

There is something about waking up to a cool morning after many many mornings of only heat and humidity that is SO REFRESHING. It's funny how I make this observation every year when the Texas season finally changes. Every time, I feel so invigorated, grateful, and inspired. It feels like a little present from God that satisfies the soul only as He can. After soaking it in for a few minutes, my next thought is usually how nice it would be to be able to live in Colorado, or somewhere that has MORE of these days. But then I am reminded that I have spent many month or week long stretches in Colorado, and while I do experience that refreshment for a few days when I first arrive, I eventually start to adjust. I get used to it. I expect it. It is no longer a pleasant surprise as much as...just what it is. And then that gratefulness begins to wear off, and then soon it's just the norm.

Reminds me of my relationship with God. How He does these amazing things for me - big things that only He can do. Bringing change that only He can bring. And at first I am OVERWHELMED with joy, and gratefulness, and inspiration. And I think to myself "things will never be the same" or "i will never take this situation for granted again." But of course, over time, I get used to it. And then I expect it. It is the norm. Him giving me good things is just...what it is. I subconsciously begin to think I am entitled to these good things. And then something bad or hard happens and I wonder "why can't You just give me this one thing, Lord?" But how my silly self has forgotten that he HAS given to me over and over and over again. Jesus. My family. My marriage. My health. My job. Our house. My heart beating, my lungs breathing, my legs moving, and my lips talking and communicating. Coffee. A bed. Hot water. Even these are things I don't deserve, yet He loves me and gives them to me.

I hope and pray that over time, I will be able to stay longer in the period of gratefulness. Inspiration. Refreshment. And that when the next hard thing comes (which it always will) I will pause to remember how much He has taken care of me thus far. And He will continue to do so.

Like in 5 days when I'm sure the Texas weather will be back to 95 (as this is just a pleasant side effect of Hurricane Ike). May I remember then these few cool days we've had and look forward to October when the season really does change. Without grumbling about the heat in the meantime. :)

Random Saturday Thoughts

I have been a bad blogger - need to get my head back in the game I guess! Here are some random thoughts I'm having this Saturday morning:

1. Thankful for a three day weekend! Working in health care I don't get too many of these...glad I worked Memorial Day so I can enjoy this one.

2. Talked to my mom this morning - she had just finished taking a "fast walk" with Chula. I am SO THANKFUL that the Lord has brought healing and that she is back to her old self. She was so strong through the entire year long ordeal. I'm sure she'll be hitting some estate sales later today! :) Love you, Mom.

3. We had our supper club last night - I love it and the friends we have through it. And I LOVE getting to see baby James and baby Caroline - they are both getting cuter and cuter by the day.

4. 3 Day Challenge. Matt and I are going to attempt to wake up early (or rather Matt is going to attempt to go to bed earlier and wake up with me) and watch NO TV this week on Tues, Wed, and Thursday. It was his idea! I love that he is trying somewhat to adjust his sleep schedule to be more "normal" even though it is so very hard for him. We'll see how it goes - maybe announcing this publicly on the blog will help us stick to it???

5. Think I'm going to go ahead and buy the crib mattress today. That way when the bedding is ready (hopefully soon!) I can just put it all together - very exciting!

6. Need to give Harry a bath this weekend.

7. Trying to figure out what I am going to do about work after the baby comes. I know it will be really hard to leave my daughter even a couple days a week. But at the same time, I am struggling with leaving my TBI patients completely - I love them, I love my co-workers, I love that I get to do this for my "work." I feel like I would be so stupid to walk away from this set up completely. I'm hoping I will be able to work something out...

8. My dad is playing 3 tennis matches today. In August Houston weather. He is crazy, and technically in MUCH better shape than my pregnant butt theses days. Be careful in the heat dad!

9. Resting in Psalm 34:5 right now: "Those who look to Him are radiant." Though I know pregnancy is a beautiful thing, I must admit that it is doing a doozy on my self-image. I feel enormous, I have new varicose veins showing up in my legs, and my skin is giving me flashbacks of 10th grade - which was NOT pretty. It was enough to cause a pitiful, tearful breakdown the other night. Now I am praying for help to focus on inner beauty and strength and that of what He is growing inside me, rather than my "external vanity." I am a work in progress...

10. Longhorn football starts tonight! Though I am not a huge football fan - I do love my team and will have my HORNS UP!

11. This week on itunes I purchased Rihanna "Disturbia" and Jordin Sparks "one step at a time." Don't judge me - you know they are catchy tunes. I did also purchase something a little less shameful...John Mayer's version of "Free Fallin." Have you heard it? Oh my goodness it is AWESOME!

It's a GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Making it through work on Monday until our 3:00 appointment was SO hard. I had to restrain myself from blurting out to every patient that today was the big day (not that they would have even remembered - memory functioning generally not so hot in the brain injured person). But the hour finally drew near and Matt met me outside and we raced to the office. The sonographer called us back and she was so calm - like she did this every day or something. :) First she looked at the brain, the heart, took measurements of the femur...etc. Said everything looked good. It was hard to make out what we were seeing - but the shape of the face and stomach were clear. At one point I looked at Matt and smiled and said "it's a boy..." - i just had this (wrong) feeling come over me. So the sonographer said..."well, are you ready to find out?" and scanned the little wand down to the appropriate area. "Nothing boy about this one" was the next thing she said...!

We were both a little surprised (guess subconsciously we thought it would be a boy) but very happy and excited. We are so thankful that everything seems healthy and so excited to now be referring to my stomach as she, not it. Now it feels so REAL - like suddenly we realized, oh my gosh we're having a BABY!


This is a picture of the cupcakes we got to celebrate with some friends that night. So much fun! I think Matt is going to be the best dad for a little girl ever (tied with my dad, of course).

The waiting is the hardest part...

Our 18 week sonogram is only 55 hours from now. Matt and I feel like besides our wedding and the actual birth of the baby, this is the most anticipation we've ever felt...will it be a BOY or GIRL? I am so ready to know. At first just so I could start making headway with the nursery and other things that needed to get done. But more and more I just want to have a gender to attach to this bump growing inside me. I can't wait to no longer refer to it as "it" or "he/she." To be able to decide on a name and start talking to him/her, praying by name for him/her, etc. etc. For an identity to begin, if you will. I'm sure that all parents to be have these feelings, but if I let myself think about it too long I literally start to get squirmy and giddy with excitement. (Also how I felt in the days leading up to my wedding).

We have NO hunch one way or the other. I've been telling myself boy since the beginning, since that's what the odds are in Matt's family. We both have days where we are just sure it is a boy, and other days where we think more girl. So basically, we have no idea (duh...no one really does). I really will be thrilled either way, and I trust that God knows what He's doing in giving us whoever He gives us!

This is also a big sonogram in that it will be the first time we've "seen" the baby since it was a dot on the screen. To not only imagine but actually see his/her limbs and toes and eyes and face and movement...I am dying to get a glimpse. It's kind of like we'll be meeting him/her for the very first time!

Since we didn't do the Downs testing, this will also be the first time Dr. Harris has a chance to make sure everything is healthy and ok. The alternative, of course, is quite scary, especially for my worst-case scenario mind. (I really am working on this - I do NOT want to be this way my whole life!) I am resting in the promise that the Lord is good and that the baby He has for us is the exact perfect little one that we need. That what He gives us is in life is ultimately for our deeper intimacy with and enjoyment of Him, where true satisfaction is found.

For now, off to exercise and clean the house...need to keep myself busy so I don't burst with excitement...feels like we've been waiting FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!

House & Home

Felt like posting some pics of our house and those who live here with us.

Here is a view from the front:




















Not too bad, considering this is what we started with. Can't believe that was 2 years ago!





















Here is Morty the day we brought him home...he looks so pitiful!




















And here he is now. Truly the best cat ever. Love him.



















And here is our newest addition...Harry. Or Hairbone, as we lovingly call him. We adopted him almost six months ago now. He looks so sad - this was his first day with us, but now he is very happy.



























Oustide with Matt. He pretty much just wants to be where ever we are.

Here I go...

After some deliberation, I've decided to join the blogging world. I did spend some time weighing the pros and cons:

Cons:
1. I am opposed to using technology to communicate, rather than face to face conversation
2. I anticipate this will suck me into another slightly addictive habbit (similar to watching reality TV)
3. Blog material can be quite boring from those of us who are not super creative or well-written
4. Do blog formats provide spell check? Otherwise I might be in trouble...

Pros:
1. Everyone else is doing it :)
2. Might be a chance for me to improve my creative/writing/spelling skills
3. Every now and then I do have an interesting thought
4. Increasing age and thus increasing life changes often means increasing distance from those you love. Blogs do provide a great way to stay up to date with friends and family.

Conclusion:
It seems that the pros outweigh the cons. Especially now that baby Smith is on the way - I have a feeling I will want to share photos and stories. Hopefully this will be an easy and convenient way for anyone who does have interest to keep abreast of our ins and outs. (Just had to pause to re-check my spelling of convenient).